NFL Free Agency is Like Wedding Crashing

The NFL free agency signing period is a lot like dating. There are all these available players and all these potential suitors and they’re all looking for their perfect match.

The first few days are a cocktail party. Everyone is dressed up, perfectly coiffed, and dripping in expensive cologne. Some drinks are had, eyes are made, and eventually (for better or for worse) people start to pair up.

The deals that are sealed during the early hours of free agency are often with the players who are first to catch your eye. Now, the blonde with the over-bleached hair and too-tight dress may be just what you’re looking for tonight. The question is, do you really want to wake up with her in the morning…three years from now?

And that, my friends, is where we’re at in this process. Let the gold diggers (Ndamukong Suh), head cases (Brandon Marshall), and attention whores (Dez Bryant) go.

I picture Colts General Manager Ryan Grigson as Owen Wilson in Wedding Crashers. Isla Fisher? She’s hot. And a complete psycho. Let Vince Vaughn (Jets GM Mike Maccagnan) deal with her. You know who we want? We want smart, we want driven, we want grounded. We want Rachel McAdams.

So, let the party continue. Let the other NFL general managers drink til dawn, dance on tables, and make some bad decisions.

As the week winds down, the crowd thins, and the lights come on, there she’ll be…standing by herself waiting for a cab.

And that’s when Ryan Grigson will swoop in, sweep her off her feet, and if it works out…put a ring on her finger.

A big, fat, shiny, Super Bowl ring.

But until then, be patient. The right one (at the right price) just hasn’t come along yet.

These things take time.

And while the Colts may kick themselves over the one who got away…

Tying themselves to the wrong one will cost them much more.

So…go get our girl, Mr. Grigson!

I mean, our guy.

Go Colts!

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