Letter to Santa From an Indianapolis Sports Fan

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Dear Santa,

Indianapolis sports fans feel pretty blessed this year. At least, for the most part we do. After all, we live in the city that both Andrew Luck and Paul George call home. The Colts are the AFC South champions once again and the Pacers are the Beasts of the East.

But, as long as you’re in a giving mood…there are a few things we could use:

  1. Deer antler spray for the Colts. I don’t know if that stuff works (or if it’s legal), but these injuries are killing us, and at this point…we’ll try anything.
  2. A stain stick for Colts quarterback Andrew Luck. It must be hell to get all those grass stains off the white uniform pants.
  3. Ben-Gay for the groin of Colts cornerback Greg Toler. I know, Roy Hibbert advises against it. But again, the playoffs are right around the corner…and we’re getting a little desperate here.
  4. Noise-canceling earphones for Colts offensive coordinator Pep Hamilton. One week we hate him, one week we love him. Just block it out. And carry on.
  5. Pepto-Bismol for Pacers coach Frank Vogel. Eating well on the road is tough. Food poisoning is tougher.
  6. A mandatory retirement package for NBA referee Joey Crawford.
  7. A job in Indy Car for former driver and Indy 500 winner Dario Franchitti. He really is one of the good guys. And we love his accent.
  8. Patience for Hoosiers basketball fans. Throw in some of that for Colts fans while you’re at it. And Purdue football fans too.
  9. $40 million dollars so Hoosiers fans can un-rename Simon Skjodt Assembly Hall and change it back to Assembly Hall. Or Robert M. Knight Hall. Or…whatever they want to call it.
  10. New shoes for IU basketball coach Tom Crean. They must wear out fast pacing the sideline like that.
  11. A little brother for Butler Blue III (Trip).
  12. Another Super Bowl for Indianapolis.
  13. Nice weather for the Super Bowl. And I don’t mean nice Christmas weather. I mean nice spring weather. We’re talking Easter Bunny weather. Just like last time.

I also have some suggestions.

There are a few people you need to add to your nice list:

Pacers coach Frank Vogel. Because he never has anything negative to say. Unless you’re an NBA official. And then, it’s justified (I’m not asking you to saint him).

Purdue football coach Darrell Hazell. Because he was handed lemons with this roster. And while he hasn’t exactly made lemonade…he didn’t make a sour face either.

And, unfortunately, there are a few people who need to go on your naughty list:

The Colts blogger who’s been calling for coach Chuck Pagano’s job all season. Please! This is not nice, rational, or justified. You know who he is. Think…stampede charcoal.

Also, Skip Bayless. For being…Skip Bayless.

And me? Oh, I’m just grateful to live in a city I love. With fantastic sports teams. And great fans who (for whatever reason) care what I have to say. As a writer, that’s really all I could ask for.

But, if you insist…I would take a weekly syndicated column, sports radio show, suite to the Indy 500, and another 1,000 or so twitter followers.

That should do it. For this year. Thanks in advance.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all!

Love, Heather (aka The Blue Mare)

P.S. Go Colts! Go Pacers! Go Hoosiers! Go Boilers! Go Dawgs! And bring on the month of May!

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