Dear Mr. Shaughnessy,
Let me start by thanking you. You see, I’ve been snowed in in Indianapolis, in sub-freezing temperatures…for going on three days now. As you can imagine, cabin fever has set in and I was wondering what I could do today to keep from losing my mind. As it turns out, responding to an arrogant, regioncentric, New England football fan is just what the doctor ordered.
Your column in the Boston Globe about the Colts-Patriots playoff game, the one where you refer to the Colts as a “playoff chump…a dome team with a young quarterback, a neophyte coach, and a bad defense.” You know the one. This is why no one likes you. Or your team.
There are a few things I can’t argue with. Lucas Oil Stadium has a roof. And we tend to use it when it’s cold outside. In fact, if memory serves me right, you once lost a Super Bowl under that roof. In February. Wonder what would have happened if we opened it. Guess we’ll never know…
Yes, Andrew Luck is a sophomore quarterback. But on the field, he is no more a neophyte than your Ugg-wearing quarterback is manly. And just a little warning, Tom Brady will probably be terrified of Andrew Luck’s beard. I certainly am.
As for our coach, Chuck Pagano, you can call him whatever you like. Compare him to average football coaches who Bill Belichick has “swallowed up” over the years. This is a guy who has done more with less this year than any other coach in the league. And a man who stared death in the face last year isn’t going to be scared off by The Grinch. In fact, Coach Pagano has the one thing that scares him the most…a huge heart.
I’m glad you remember your old friend, Adam Vinatieri. We like to call him “Money.” Lucky for us, your team chose not to give him any.
So, to summarize, there are two types of football fans: Patriots fans. And everyone else. And everyone else is united in their dislike of the Patriots.
This is mostly due to outward displays of arrogance. And the fact that you illegally taped opponents…while accusing the Colts of pumping fake noise into the RCA Dome.
Also, having one of your star players go to jail (FOR MURDER) has done nothing for your likability.
This may surprise you, but I personally have great respect for the Patriots. Especially your poorly-dressed coach and your metrosexual quarterback.
The Colts-Patriots rivalry has brought me some of my best football memories over the years. And I look forward to adding to them on Saturday.
I’d tell you “good luck,” but I don’t mean it. So instead, I’ll just say…may the best team win. No…let me rephrase that. May the team that scores the most points win.
I don’t need a game to tell me who the best team is.
See you in Foxborough!